Where Do I Begin?
by JessieJellyTots
Summary: Nick Jordan's hand curled tightly around hers, drawing comfort from the warmth of her skin. It was reassurance that she was still there, that her heart was still beating beneath her hospital gown. However, he knew that it wouldn't be for long and his own throbbed wildly in his chest, as a small lump began to rest within his throat.


**A/N: After last night's episode (which was really very heartbreaking) I wanted to do a little oneshot about this. It's going to happen eventually, so I wrote my take on the events. I hope you enjoy it - if that's the right word.**

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Pearly light shone through the blinds, lighting up her porcelain skin. The curls of her hair rested peacefully upon the pale pillow, gently swaying from the breeze as people rushed by. Gazing at her features he noted how serene she looked, like she was sleeping.

Nick Jordan's hand curled tightly around hers, drawing comfort from the warmth of her skin. It was reassurance that she was still there, that her heart was still beating beneath her hospital gown. However, he knew that it wouldn't be for long, and his own throbbed wildly in his chest, and a small lump began to rest within his throat. He only had 5 minutes before they would be back. 5 minutes before everything he had would be gone.

"Hey." He whispered in Yvonne's ear, the strain in his voice evident. He had to hold it together. Lifting his free hand, he stroked the chocolate strands of hair from her forehead before brushing his fingers down the side of her face, feeling each rise and fall of her complexion against them. He opened and closed his jaw a few times, unable to find the correct words to say in such circumstances. Day in day out he had seen patients say a tearful goodbye to loved ones, but not once had he considered that one day he would be in their position, saying goodbye to the one he loves. There wasn't really anything you could say to make the situation more bearable. He closed his eyes, allowing a lone tear to roll down his ashen skin. Breathing in, he gathered his courage and held onto her hand tightly.

"I am so sorry it has come to this. I'm sorry I couldn't help you when you needed me the most."

A montage of memories flickered through his mind, her face filling every part of his psyche. Month upon month he had spent by her bedside, but not for one second did he imagine being anywhere other than by her side. Every single 'I love you', every smile, every tear, all flooding back. One distinct memory stood out above all the rest, causing guilt to overpower Nick.

_He downed the coffee quickly, not wanting to leave her for too long. It was true; he had thought she had been doing a lot better in recent weeks. She wasn't out of the woods yet, however the fight within her had not yet died, and he wasn't going to allow it to either. It had only been 10 minutes since he left her room, but he never intended to stay away for longer. Walking back down the corridor, he briefly gazed at his reflection in a window. Dark bags hung lightly beneath his eyes and his face was devoid of colour. The long days spent with her in the Unit were taking a massive toll on him, but he wasn't going to leave her when she needed him the most. _

_Upon entering her room, the first thing he observed was the distraught looking Yvonne, her eyes wide and fearful. His heart skipped a beat, and he ran to her bedside as fast as his legs could carry him._

"_Yvonne? What is it? Are you in pain?" His voice was surprisingly serene compared to the tons of emotions swimming through his brain._

"_Nothing, I-" She struggled to find the words she was looking for as desperate sobs escaped her throat with force. Yvonne took a few deep breaths trying to calm herself down. "Nick." She eventually managed to release. "Am I going to die?" _

_Nick let out a sigh, the sight of her in such a state leaving a lump resting within his throat. "Of course you're not. We can fight this." _

"_What if my body can't?" She whispered, almost inaudible. _

_He lifted his hand and wiped away the salty residue of tears from her drained skin, and stroked her face with his thumb for a little while. _

"_Everything will be fine, I promise you."_

"_It's been six months, Nick." Her voice was strained, her current infection taking its toll. _

"_Yes, but you're still here. That shows you're strong enough." The pleading in his tone was evident, and it made extra tears brim Yvonne's eyes._

_She remained silent, allowing a few diamonds to escape the confines of her eyes, before squeezing her partner's hand 3 times, for 'I love you.' Upon feeling her sign, he leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her lips. _

"_I promise you you'll get better. I promise I will not ever let you go." His tone was now serious. These were promises he knew he had to keep, above all else. The promises he would never forget. Little did he know that these simple words would soon come back to haunt him._

"Yvonne, I-" His voice became choked up, emotions swallowing him, drowning him. "Oh God, I'm so, so sorry." Another tear rolled down his cheek before he could do nothing more to hold them back. His hand shaking violently, he lifted her own and rested it against his forehead, his eyes tightly closed as he prayed and prayed everything would be okay. That he wouldn't have to do this.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps behind him, and a pained looking Zoe entered the room, her eyes apologising profoundly for the situation.

"Nick, it's time." She breathed, as her eyes became cloudy with emotion.

"I'm scared." He muttered, gripping onto Yvonne's hand even more tightly. He never wanted to let her go.

He could never comprehend how it was as easy as turning off the switch. How this one switch had power over the fate of a person, the beating of their heart. His lower lip wavered, and he felt the warmth of a hand resting upon his shoulder for reassurance.

"Take your time."

"I have to do it now, or I never will." He mouthed, Zoe only just grasping what he was saying.

He stared intently at her features, the gentle curls falling down, and the small smile on her lips. He knew he had to do it. He had to let her go, so she could be free.

"Zoe, do it. Please. I can't." He couldn't keep his hand under control.

She stepped forward, the echo of her heels hitting the ground radiating throughout the silence of the room. She turned to Nick upon reaching the deadly machine, her eyes misty with sympathy.

"Are you ready?"

Nick breathed in deeply, calming himself before speaking three little words.

"I love you." He whispered, whilst squeezing her hand three times.

The sound of the switch flicking ricocheted around the room, and all he could do was stare at her features, so calm.

So free.


End file.
